The Essentials of Time

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for about two and a half years. And something was giving me an itch to work. An itch that felt a lot like debt. So, I did some contract work with a local adoption agency for whom I’d worked in the past.

And, it turns out, that trying to work part-time, and parent full time, and juggle children’s appointments, baby sitters, and kid school, and clients’ appointments, and meal prep, and budgeting, and laundry and cleaning house, and my own sanity is just too much.

It turns out that the work I do at homeĀ is actually important. And, that if I’m going to have to balance work and home, then work needs to be compartmentalized, rather than running rampant through my days and weeks.

Because that is not balance. It’s insanity.

So, three months after I started, I quit.

And I haven’t looked back.

In social work, you deal with people who are in constant crisis. Their crisis happens at 4 AM, and 10 PM and every hour in between. As it also happens, being a stay-at-home mom involves your children’s crises, which happen at almost exactly the same times as your social work clients’. And so, one day, eating lunch with my husband and children, I stared as my phone went off with over twenty texts, my children threw their food across the table, and I spent equal parts of the meal yelling and ignoring my husband. Who’d taken off work. To eat lunch with his lovely family.

And I thought, “this is too much.”

I used to want to be a multi-tasker; an over-achiever extraordinaire.

And then people dear to me started getting sick with cancers, and immune system disorders, and strokes.

And then they started to die.

And I decided that this multi-tasking was, perhaps, not the way to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. At least, not for me.

So, I had forgotten all that. And by dipping my toes back in, the universe slapped me around a bit and said, “Are you insane, little girl?”

So I stepped back. And started looking at the life giving things that I’d rather spend my time doing.

Not to say that helping people is not in my blood.

I just think I’ve been doing it wrong.

And possibly, balance is just a thing that you can accomplish in yoga, and not in daily life. I’m still working on these things.

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